Assalamualaikum wbt. bismillahirrahmanirrahim. alhamdulillah kita masih diberi peluang untuk terus beribadah kepadaNYA. allahuakbar. sebenarnya nak cerita pasal last thursday. yes, on result day. alhamdulillah four days before hari result Allah pinjamkan ketenangan itu. sungguh, tenang. on thursday, once i reached musolla, badan dah rasa seram sejuk. jumpa kawan-kawan semua. happy. disebabkan nak hilangkan rasa seram sejuk tuh saya duduk dengan tenang tanpa terlalu memandang keadaan sekeliling. then sorang, sorang kawan datang tegur. serious rasa terharu ni. rasa dikenali ramai. ahaks.
then went to the canteen, jumpa lagi ramai. mata meliar-liar. cari kak mass. then i saw her. sampai depan mass terus peluk dia kuat-kuat. muka mass nampak risau sangat. bila dah masuk dewan madi ajak duduk depan. rasa nak terkeluar jantung tau. rasa seram lebih duduk depan. after few minutes, i saw ina and tasya at the back. muka tasya jelas sangat dia risau. then ajak madi pindah duduk belakang. baru je duduk got a text from atin. keluar dewan cari atin. jumpa atin. happy! atin pun nampak risau. allahu, masa tu bila tengok sahabat-sahabat saya resah semacam, saya pun start la dup dap dup dap.
so then i sat between mass and atin. aida sebelah mass. line belakang kitorang ada hanis madi tasya ina pinie acha nabila etc. time menunggu dengan penuh debaran tercari-cari firzana tapi tak nampak. sekali she sent a text. tengah nak menaip pandang belakang, yes, straight to her. few minutes after that, they started to announce the results. honestly i feel afraid. tapi saya dah bersedia. started with 7A. one by one. dah habis. saya mula menerima. tapi masih mengharap. 8A. habis. mula redha sepenuhnya. after 10A and 11A, saya tersenyum tanda redha. btw, saya sangat suka moment bila atin aida mass and saya terpandang each other, even tengah resah tahap tera, masih mampu mengukir senyuman penuh makna tersirat.
lepas 7A-11A diumumkan ada taklimat sikit. tapi maaf cikgu tak dapat focus. then luqman text result dia. i mean specific result, congrats to him. proud of him. dah habis taklimat pergi cari teacher sue nak amik result. ye, kelas paling meriah sebab sorang je naik pentas. tak bagitau ibu nak pergi amik result. nampak ibu tercari-cari, tapi takpelah, its better for her tak ikut. teacher panggil nama ikut turutan so that i know the arrangement. after atin, pinie than me. teacher bagi result, teacher terbalikkan slip. thank you for that.. =')
lepas dapat berdiri jauh sikit dari diorang semua. actually not that far. sedepa pun tak sampai. hehe. i opened it slowly. i counted the gred. allah. i tell myself Allah knows best. saya pandang atin, 'atin,,sikit je'.. sounds sad but i dont know what i feel actually. atin was talking to someone so that she asked me to wait for a while. yes, atin was the first person who get to know my result. tak lama tu pergi dekat ibu. nangis. saya dah redha jadi saya tak sedih dengan result tuh, cuma, rasa macam kecewakan ibu. and others yang letak harapan. im sorry. i give my best. i did well. but this is the best from HIM for me.
went home. checked hp. few missedcalls. one from suhana. im sorry dear. when she asked me to call her back, im sorry, i just cant, baru lepas menangis, i need time to calm down. this just because i feel guilty. after zohor, saya dah okay sikit but still not really. shahiza call, i answered. cakap dengan both of them. in the middle of conversation i started to cry but i hope they dont realised about it. shahiza sounds tak percaya when i says what i got.
here and there asking about result. im tired. im sick of those question. i just can give them a smile......
bila saya muhasabah diri.... (continue in another entry).. =')
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